How to plan an Engagement Party

An engagement party is traditionally the event at which both sets of parents and their families can meet and get to know each other. In pre-social media days it was a way of announcing the engagement to the wider friend circle. Now, with many couples meeting away from their home town, it is a way to introduce your fiancé to friends and relatives. There is absolutely no need to have an engagement party at all, but if the two families live some distance apart it is a good idea to provide them with an opportunity to meet up prior to the wedding at an informal event. Of course, you could organise a party for another reason (summer BBQ, New Year’s Eve etc) and announce your engagement at that as a surprise. In this case, you should still tell both sets of parents first: it could cause offence if friends know before family or one family knows before the other - and you do not want that in the run up to your wedding! Do not hijack another family occasion. This may seem obvious, but I have seen it done – we went for a family meal for a 70^th birthday and bro-in-law stood up and announced his engagement. If your engagement does coincide with another family event, chat with the host before hand to see if they would mind you announcing your engagement and offer to share costs. If you do decide to have an engagement party there are one or two things you need to bear in mind:

• If the primary aim is for both set of parents to meet up ensure it is something they are comfortable with.
• Make sure both sets of parents are available on the day
• Set a date up to three months after your engagement, but not too close to the wedding – the average time between engagement and the wedding is 18 months, so you should have plenty of time
• You would normally expect the people at your engagement party to be invited to your wedding. If this will not be the case eg if your wedding will be abroad or very small, make this clear to the party guests.
• There will be toasts, so make sure you have some sparkling wine to celebrate with.

To organise the party you need to decide on a date, a budget and a venue. Many clubs and pubs have free room hire and rely on takings at the bar for their income. Send out your engagement party invitations about a month prior to the event. Traditionally the bride-to-be’s parents host (pay for) the party. – if this is the case, as with wedding invitations, a formal invitation needs to come from them and invite guests to a party “in honour” of Miss X and Mr Y. Most engagement parties, however, are organised by the couple and are much more informal. The invitations, therefore, need only include names of the couple, names of guests, date, time, venue and RSVP details. As always, the invitation is a good opportunity to communicate any other information. This might include food/drink information, such as “You are invited to a BBQ/posh picnic/cocktails & canapés etc.,” your policy on presents at the party and whether children are welcome. Whatever you decide upon for your engagement party, do not upstage your wedding day. Even if you want a big party an engagement party can be very informal and low budget and not outshine the Big Day itself.